Tim.0 – Ginger Ale, Bunsen Burners, and Kelly Hrudey’s Mullet (Tim’s Blog)

Hola and welcome to the artist’s blog formally known as Timmy’s Top 10. This summer I’ve migrated to a new format that’s completely original and unlike anything you’ve ever seen before on Comedy Central. So let me introduce you to “Tim.0”. The concept for this was born in 1992 as I sat in front of my parents Memorex television set watching Danny Tanner dominate Sunday night programming. He was and is the greatest impersonator of 4 year olds and domesticated animals of all time…thus my inspiration. Although keeping with the intellectually stimulating ‘lists’ the sincere goal of this blog is to waste 30 minutes of my time writing it and roughly 5 minutes of your time reading it…depending on your level of comprehension and bandwidth of course. If you are offended by any of my remarks all mail can be forwarded to the following address -248 West Fremont Street, Stockton, CA 95203 c/o Mike Benton. Thanks Big Mike!

And away we go…..

I consider myself a person who seems to have more questions than answers. So, here is your first helping. The first edition of Tim.0 has 5 questions that I may or may not have answers too. Editors note- The best question ever posed in a movie is “Why would that happen… in a world?”…name that movie.

Question Numero Uno- Why were we not allowed to wear LA Kings gear in elementary school?

I’m pretty sure that Kelly Hrudey didn’t stand for the thug life. Could it be that the school district just didn’t want kids to be sporting mullets? In hindsight I see the whole thing as discrimination against our brothers to the north…Canada and Oildale of course.

Question Number 2- Why do I only drink ginger ale when I’m on a plane?

I have never ONCE in my life purchased ginger ale at a grocery store. Nor have I ever asked someone for a refreshing glass of Schwepps at a party. To be honest the stuff creeps me out. But when I’m 30,000 feet above the earth it seems like the prefect thirst quencher. Maybe this will shed some light…Ginger Ale?

Question Three- Why do parents always think their own kids are well behaved but nobody else’s kids are?

I for one am going to have my kids don warning signs 24 hours a day so that everyone who comes in contact with the mini-me’s will be forewarned. Then, if the little pie-eating gremlins actually happen to act appropriate for once it will seem as if Dad was just trying to be funny. Sales 101 people… “Under promise, Over deliver”

Question Four- Why do kids get sent home from school for getting in trouble?

As a grom, IF (and this is only hypothetical) I was ever told NOT to come back to school I probably would have taken it as some sort of grand reward. On the flip side, if you would have told me that I had to hang out with Miss What’s Her Face and talk Bunsen burners for another 8 hours I may have actually completed Oregon Trail without a fuss.

Question Five – Why are the Alaska Aces always good?

I’m leaning towards the fact that their nickname is the ‘Aces’ but they have a polar bear as a mascot. This may seem like bunk logic but maybe it’s symbolism for the fact that nothing about them makes any sense at all. I don’t know? This question is right up there with water cooler talk on politics and Chupacabra

Something to chew on…if you have never been to this spot when there is a strong south swell it is a sight to see Random Video of the Week

Until next time Condorstownians…

Tim is the Director of Marketing for the Condors, and is responsible for corporate sponsorship and season ticket sales packages in addition to the implementation of the Condors marketing plan. This is his 5th season with Bakersfield.